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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

[Sports] Red Sox: These Guys Suck!




















It's hard to put it any other way, really. This team, picked by any and all "experts" to win 100 games and the World Series, is flat out awful. And not just awful...but awfully expensive.

The Sox went out and spent a ton of dough to acquire big name bats in the offseason. Carl Crawford, currently bringing in a hair over $123, 456 per game, is batting .143 and has more strikeouts (10) than hits (9) heading into Wednesday's game. This isn't just a slump, folks. Crawford's swing should have its own documentary done on it. It's at once depressing and fascinating. You can't actually compare the motion to anything you've seen in real life. If forced, I'd say it looks like a blind guy with two broken wrists trying to use nunchucks. Seriously, though, he's playing out there like he's got the bubble guts. Someone needs to tell him to stop eating over Ortiz's crib. If the Sox wanted to pay a guy millions of dollars to stand up in front of thousands of people and embarrass himself, they should have just signed Charlie Sheen. At least he's got some catchy phrases.



The other big money piece the Sox acquired in the offseason, albeit via a trade, was Adrian Gonzalez. Gonzo, who was basically described as "Mexican Texeira," has started the season at a pedestrian .279 average with one homer. Gonzo hasn't been a complete train wreck, but add to his so-so start the fact that the Red Sox signed him to an extension for $154 million. The extension brings to mind another early season re-signing the Sox made when giving big money to Josh Beckett last spring. Beckett went on to have his worst season with the Sox. Hopefully history doesn't repeat itself. Although, Beckett seems to be the only Sox pitcher not sucking, recently, so what the hell do I know?


One thing I do know, is that there has been a bright spot on the team early on, and I'm not talking about the creepy, white-dyed, slobber-glistening beard that Bobby Jenks is rocking. Jed Lowrie has been the Red Sox best player so far this season, and it isn't even close. "Bugs" Lowrie, as I call him thanks to his incredibly large front teeth, is hitting a robust .457 with two dongs heading into Wednesday's game. The saber-toothed slugger has played his way into the lineup and may end up stealing the everyday shortstop position from Marco Scutaro. Lowrie has played solid defense and has absolutely been tearing the cover off of the ball. And I mean that metaphorically and not as a jab at his incredibly large and sharp teeth. Bottom line with this team though, is that the money players are going to have to start performing up to their pay scale, because it is going to take a lot more than Jed Lowrie and his razor sharp fangs to get out of the 5-11 hole they've dug themselves. The team started 0-6 and has played .500 ball since that time. They'll need to play around .600 ball the rest of the way to turn their season around and make the postseason. Do I think they can do it? Actually I do. The Sox have rattled off four straight outstanding games by their pitchers, and the bats will come around. I see the Red Sox finishing second in the division to the Yankees, but getting their act together for the playoffs and winning the World Series.

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